I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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