everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
