So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
