Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
