I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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