he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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