this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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