He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
