I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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