so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
