If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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