i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
