please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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