You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
