If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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