I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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