Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
