How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
