does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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