Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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