Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
