pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
