you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
