Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
