i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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