Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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