How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
