Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just invented taco cereal.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
