I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
