He uses pillows to masturbate.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
