So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
