when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
