Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
