People in love make me want to vomit
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
