just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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