alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
