He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
