Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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