there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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