i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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