Pappa wants mamma naked
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
