I wish my penis had an off switch
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
