you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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