so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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