dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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