I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
