I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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