I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
