Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
