I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
