My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
