I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
