It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
