He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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