WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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